Monday, March 3, 2014

Birthday Letter

A Letter to My Daughter, on Her Second Birthday: 

Baby girl. I cannot even begin to express what a miracle you are, how profoundly you amaze me every day. I look into your eyes and know there is goodness in the world. I watch you giggle and am filled with hope. I see you play and love and know there is meaning in it all, after all. It's hard to imagine a time when you weren't. 

There was such a time, though, and sooner or later, you will learn that daddy and I didn't plan for you in the traditional sense. We were exhausted from your brother's terrible sleeping habits and under the impression that mama's body didn't work as well as other mama's in making babies. We were lost in newborn baby world and busy with work and school. We were emotionally spent from years of doing and eager for the "easy life", or at least a break. When we found out you would be, we were at first shocked and then scared.

But, you were meant to be, baby.  

I was terrified of raising another child, overwhelmed at the messiness of our lives and despairing at the thought of more labor pains and more sleepless nights. I had just returned to my fulll-time office job when we found out I was pregnant again. I was constantly nauseous, extremely fatigued and very frustrated that life continued to be out of my control. That break I'd been hoping for seemed ever allusive and I struggled to find an emotional equilibrium.

But, you were meant to be, baby.

As your brother grew and finally learned how to sleep and as our hearts adjusted to the idea of welcoming another, our surprise and fear soon turned to excitement and anticipation. We were thrilled when the doctor said we'd be having a baby girl and dove into planning your nursery. We painted and decorated and doted on every detail, our hearts expanding with each act. We chose your name with care and dreamed of the woman you would be.

You were so meant to be, baby. 

I cannot express how deeply moved and grateful I am that life is out of my control. You are an amazing gift, Havyn. You are fully loved and fully welcome. You are divine in every sense. You are meant to be - in this family, in this time, in this world. Havyn, you were always meant to be.

I see you nurture your baby dolls - giving them endless kisses and tender cuddles, rearranging their blankies, feeding them and taking them for walks - and I marvel at your innate kindness, your inherent tenderness. I watch you gather all the play food and all your purses, all your baby dolls and their toys, all their blankets and bottles, and huddle piles of stuff on your "boat" - and I am proud of how hard working you are, how determined and resourceful you are. I see you light up when you dance and giggle when your brother does something silly - and I weep at how beautiful you are, how alive you are. 

You are strong and you are capable, but you know how to ask for help. Don't ever stop asking for help, baby girl. It only shows just how strong you are.

You are kind and loving, but determined in your "No". Stay strong in your "No", Havyn. Listen to your heart and guard the life within.

You are creative and smart, but sometimes people will tell you "No". It's okay to go for it anyways, Angel. It's okay to just be yourself. 

You are meant to be, Havyn. And I am so thankful I get to be with you.  

Happy Birthday, baby!

Love,
Mama



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2 comments:

  1. Just maybe she is a reflection of the love that she receives from her beautiful and loving mother.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Nancy! I sure do try. :)

    ReplyDelete

 
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